Once your kids turn 18, you would know if you have failed or succeeded as a parent. I am pleased to share the two sides of the coin.
On Friday the 18th day of March 2016, it was a joy to officiate an interfaith marriage between a Muslim bride and a Mormon groom. What transpired there was a joyful union of not only of the man and the woman but of their families. I am pleased to share a few good things after the ceremony. I hope some of you can relate with it, and some rejoice it knowing that there are so many great parents out there.
This is the ultimate achievement of good parenting that your kids are independent and are ready to live their lives on their own terms. When you off spring becomes free, it is the ultimate in joy!
On the other hand, if your kids fear you, you are missing the beauty of the relationship, but don’t lose hope, you can start the process of restoring the relationship now.
You may consider watching the movie “2 States” with English subtitles; it is one of the finest Bollywood movies made about a tyrant father restoring his relationships with his son. However the main plot of the movie is humor that comes with inter-ethnic marriages.
Discipline yes, punishment no.
I never spanked or screamed at my kids, there was no need for it, but, I am glad their mother gave them the discipline while freedom was my thing.
It tears me apart when a few men shout at their kids, let alone beat them up. What a shame it is, they are incapable of respecting their own offspring, what will they respect then?
One of the greatest lessons I have learned from my ex-wife was to keep love to discipline ratio to be above 4: 1, that is, give them love and hug four times before a disciplinary command. It worked well for me even though I was a failed disciplinarian, I just couldn’t be tough, particularly with my girl, when she responded with Yes Sirs, nor was it with my boy, I could not stand humiliation on his face. Now, as a Grandfather I watch him deal with his little son, and what a joy it is for me that he treats his kid with patience, logic and reason, and the little sucker responds to him, just like he did with me. I am all smiles.
A few men have the arrogance to believe, that, unless you scream and frighten your kids, they don’t learn, that is baloney! Imagine working for a boss who screams at you, thank God that is a disappearing breed now. I had one like that in India.
What is the need to control kids? Instead you ought to think about these to restore your relationship with your family members;
Take the pledge!
“Let them be who they are”
“Let me get out of their way”
“Let me shed my arrogance to teach them”
“Let them make mistakes and correct themselves”
“Let them be independent”
“Let them make their own decision”
“Let me be a good listener to my kids”
“Let me not interrupt them while they are talking”
“Let me believe them when they say even the most outrageous things”
“Let me be their friend”
Dr. Mike Ghouse is a community consultant, social scientist, thinker, writer, news maker, Interfaith Wedding officiant, and a speaker on Pluralism, Interfaith, Islam, politics, terrorism, human rights, India, Israel-Palestine, motivation, and foreign policy. He is committed to building cohesive societies and offers pluralistic solutions on issues of the day. Visit him (63 links) at www.MikeGhouse.net and www.TheGhousediary.com for his exclusive writings.