Of the nearly 400 marriages I have officiated in the last 15 years, I may be witnessing the first divorce between a Jewish woman and a Hindu man, and I hope to rescue the marriage. The issue is not religious, but they are making it one. I hope to put them back together. My consulting role is from the definition of pluralism—if we can learn to respect and accept each of us’ God-given uniqueness, then conflicts will fade, and solutions will emerge.
Before marriage, most couples and I review the following three values to have a smooth sailing life. 1) Accepting each other for who they are, 2) cleaning the slate of life once a week, and 3) bold communications.
If X calls his mother and speaks for 10 minutes while Y speaks to her mother simultaneously from the other room – it is not a conflict, is it?
If they sit on the crown for 10 minutes and come out clean, do we ask about their ritual? Only if it were 30 minutes to make sure they are alright.
Likewise, if he worships facing the iconic representation of God in one corner of the house, “Oh god with curved trunk, large body whose aura is like light of sun, Please make my entire work obstacle free, forever and forever, dear Ganesh, son of Goddess (Uma) Parvati, the destroyer of all troubles, I bow respectfully to you, the lotus feet of Vighneswara Ganesha, guide me remove my obstacles in life.”
In the other room, she prays, “Thank You, Adonai, for the rest You have given me through the night and for the breath that renews my body and spirit. May I renew my soul with faith in You, the Source of all Healing. Blessed are You, Adonai, our God, Ruler of the Universe, Who renews the work of creation daily.
I will see them this week and hope to review the three guidelines for a smooth sailing life.
Fatima & Mike Ghouse
Interfaith Marriage Officiants